Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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