that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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