why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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