Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
