Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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