Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
