But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
