you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
