I want to walk on stilts...naked
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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