he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
