This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
