she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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