He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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