does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
