They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
