shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
