it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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