I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
