I accidentally had phone sex last night
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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