You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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