they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
