Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
