oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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