My hand turned me down
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
