the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
