remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
