for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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