Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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