its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
