Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
