Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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