I got her a Nickelback box set.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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