My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
