You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
