whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize