We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
