Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
