before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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