I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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