Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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