i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
