girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
