His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
