Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
