Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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