why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
