Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
