if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
