everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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