the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
